I know I said I was done, but I just remembered something. Last night, Melky Cabrera, the greatest baseball player in the history of the world (or, alternately, a decent outfielder when your other outfielders are injured) was chewing tobacco during last night's Yankees game.
So, in the hopes that Melky Cabrera regularly Googles himself, I will now lecture him on this, and then translate it into Spanish very badly.
MELKY CABRERA. You should not be chewing tobacco. It is unhealthy and can lead to disease. You are too beautiful to be diseased. Also you are a role model to many children. You wouldn't want them to think this type of behavior is acceptable. Please stop chewing tobacco. Also, e-mail me. valerie @ valerielewis.net
MELKY CABRERA. Usted no debe estar mascando tabaco. Es poco sano y puede llevar a la enfermedad. Usted es demasiado hermoso estar enfermo. También usted es un modelo a imitar a muchos niños. Usted no los desearía que piensen que este tipo de conducta es aceptable. Pare por favor mascando tabaco. También, me envía por correo electrónico. valerie @ valerielewis.net